The Misadventure of a woman on the edge...

Yesterday I met two friends for coffee. One of the friends said, "You HAVE to blog about the bread you sucked on!" She said that sometimes she'll just be in her house by herself and she'll bust out laughing because she remembers this story. So...since I have no shame...here goes.

About a year ago, I was on a diet. I don't remember which one, but probably The Abs Diet, or maybe Body for Life, or maybe Atkins. They all have one thing in common, though: nothing yummy. So M was on call and it was dinner time. The kids and I ran by Little Caesar's to pick up a $5.oo cash and carry pizza. While I was in Little Caesar's, I saw (and smelled!) their Crazy Bread. (BTW, if you haven't had their crazy bread, I will buy you some.) So I thought to myself, "I could lick the buttery Parmesan cheese off of the bread stick and my life would be complete." (Now that I think about it, I must have been on Atkin's - the diet that allows you to eat butter and cheese but not bread.)

I handed the pizza and bread sticks to AA when I returned to the car. Oh the smell of that pizza and those bread sticks. I know why they call it crazy bread...the smell will drive you crazy if you are on a diet. So I said, "AA, hand Mama one of those bread sticks." She replied, "Mom, you're on a diet. I'm not handing you one." I looked her square in the eyes and said, very slowly and deliberately, "Hand. over. the breadsticks. and no one. will get hurt."

She complied.

By this time we were at the redlight and it was 5:00, so it was a rather long red-light. I slowly licked the warm, buttery breadstick. It was like a piece of heaven to my sad, lonely tastebuds. They salivated for more. So I sucked the end of the breadstick! I sucked it until it was clean. Then...I kind of folded that piece back a little and sucked on the middle of the bread stick. I knew I looked like a crazy woman in a mini-van with a bread stick shoved down my throat. So I kind of "hunkered down" a little bit so that no one in the cars around me could see what I was doing. I felt safe. So I kind of folded the next section back (that sucked on, slightly chewed breadstick)so that I could reach the back end of the breadstick.

Life was good.

I was able to finish licking and sucking that breadstick before the light turned green. But all of a sudden, someone honked their horn. I turned, in horror, to find a Bronco full of college guys pointing and laughing at me! They had watched the entire thing! And they knew that I had positioned myself carefully so that no one could see me!

What could I do??!?!

I laughed too. The kids were full of excited questions, "Who just honked? What's so funny? What are you laughing??" I replied, "Mommy is mortified and if I don't laugh, I will cry!"

And today I am thanking God for a sense of humor and for yummy food!

Have a great day!

(And now I am on Weight Watchers! I can suck a breadstick but it'll probably cost me 10 points!)